Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
