Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
