The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
