i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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