We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
