Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
