we have pet lesbian snakes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
