On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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