I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
