Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize