Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my being single is dangerous.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
