ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
