I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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