This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
