batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
