Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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