I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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