The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
