i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm having to shit out rocks
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
