I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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