I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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