So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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