haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
