Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
