I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
