I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
