I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
