Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
