We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
