It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
