i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
