My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
