I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
this hospital has no fireball
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
