It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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