mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
