how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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