two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
