in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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