do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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