I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
