but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize