1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
