Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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