you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
