wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
