i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize