Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
