what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I AM VODKA MAN
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
