Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
