It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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