my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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