if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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