Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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