her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
