I am puke
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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