somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
