oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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