Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
