The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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