We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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