Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
