Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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