do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize