you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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