I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
