I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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