found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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