Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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