my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
