I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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