I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
