My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
