Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
