After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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