I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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