Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
