i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
His nipple licking is glorious
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