I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
