And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
