someone threw a dead crab at me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
