I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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