i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We left the knife in your bed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
