This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
