we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize