He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
