the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
