I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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