God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My feet surprised me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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