God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize