I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
