True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
