Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize