Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
