My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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