What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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