so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
