i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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