btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
