HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
