Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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